If I have today, whom should I spend my last hours, minutes, seconds?
If I have today, who should I say, “I’m so sorry,” to ask forgiveness?
If I have today, who does my heart long to say my last “I Love You.”
If I have today, who do I want to hug and hold in my arms for the last time?
It’s the end of World. Everything we devoted our time suddenly become insignificant. We drop everything we’re doing. The most important thing we must do suddenly becomes crystal clear and we pray we make it in time to do it, say it, be with.
Some die suddenly, some gets a chance for one more Birthday. Others have few months to many years. No one knows when is ours, but we can hope that we get to appreciate the preciousness and fleetingness of Life and Time just before Death takes what’s his. We can hope we’ve lived our lives exactly how we want it, and not feel cheated.
My Life, I work 5 days a week, 2 days of rest and catching up on time however I want. This is my routine and cycle since I joined the Nursing Work Pool in America at 31. everything was planned and scheduled that repeats week per week, year per year. Every pay period, I get free vacation hours that accumulates enough to extend rest and fun days to 1-2 weeks few times a year. This extended vacation hours means so much to me because it’s more time with Family and to myself. It is extra time to enjoy life, heal, reevaluate my purpose. They are my priced Mental and Emotional Health Days. They are as important as breathing air to survive. They are my batteries so I can continue to give, serve, function, smile, be a ray of positivity and sunshine above 100% performance from clock in to clock out.
“It’s easy to forget that we are not born to live forever. It’s easy to forget all things eventually end and cease to exist. It’s easy to forget we get old, wrinkled and that our Brain Cells do die everyday losing memories that once were dear. It’s easy to forget we are God’s creation with a purpose and not acting God defying or ignoring our purpose.”
Today is the day I was born 51 years ago. Now, that feels so very long time ago. I’m old and will just get older. No denying that worrisome truth. Worry because honestly, I’m concerned of being old when I still have so many youthful dreams I wanted to do. Worry because I don’t want to stare at the mirror feeling 31 but looking 51? Thinking, feeling and looking young matters to me. Worry because I don’t want to experience chronic degenerative aches and pains? Worry because sometimes I see myself in some of my Patients, and they are in pain, suffering, alone in their fight with sickness and anxiety. Worry because I don’t want restrictions to my untamed mind and heart. Freedom and Adventures matters to me.
This is me being honest on my Birthday and reflecting on my fears and troubled heart. This is me doing what matters to me, time and moments with Family and some quiet time for myself. No parties. Just lots of outdoors, mindfulness and Roadtrip Adventures.
“51 candles are too much, one candle is enough as long as it’s lit with genuine, unconditional Love.”
To all who shared the Heart and pieces of this blog, Thank You. I appreciate the time and thoughtfulness in each feedback and reply you’ve written. Thank you for the likes, the kind support and for sharing your side of life and adventures generously. You all make blogging an enriching journey and experience year after year.
Son, being himself told his Mom, “Dad is old but he thinks young.” Should I be concerned I don’t feel my age? Is it reckless if I think I can be anything I want, do whatever I want, go wherever I want?” I would like to believe age is but a number and I get to control the narrative of the rest of my life starting today.
My family's unwavering belief in me makes me feel that I can do anything, be anything. This blog is about the people that made a difference in my life and the many journeys we made together. Because of them,I get to dream again...and those dreams, they remind me each day that life is a gift and a blessing. A blessing that is full of goodness, joy and hope.