Do I Still Belong In Heaven?

“Have Houses of Faith became Tourist Destinations or still are House of Prayers to connect to God both for Friendship and Miracles?

We went to San Juan Capistrano because my Son saw a Facebook Ad of a couple selling hard to find vintage Lego and Star Wars Figures. Then a side trip happened to Mission Basilica San Juan Capistrano. Why?

Trials and difficulties are suppose to draw People closer to God. Mountains of Problems and Hard Times are suppose to humble our hearts to seek miracles, answers and help from the all powerful Almighty Divine. When we have Fallen and no one is extending a hand, we are suppose to pray in the hope of being saved by our Savior. But in all these, have we? Are we used to self reliance that we instinctively just rely only on ourselves to save us from everything we need saving? Or we prayed so many times, hoped so many days and nights for unanswered prayers that we just stopped trying?

Church close for most hours but Grace is open 24/7.

When I was younger, and my dreams simpler, God felt so close. When I ask for a miracle, he gives it. When I dream of the impossible, he makes it happen. He moved mountains for me. He used to give me wings to soar where my heart wants to fly. God was my secret weapon in wining all my battles. He was my healer to mend all my brokenness mind, body, heart and soul.

Basilica architecture was majestic but God wasn’t to be outdone. He made everything around it magnificent. So yes, it was an inspiring vision. God felt just a few steps away. A rarity lately.

But then we drifted apart kinda like Family and Friends drift apart. Events happened. Circumstances happened. Human Relationships full of anger, unforgiving hate, pain, traumatic heartbreaks happened. Life’s worse happened. Months turn to years. Years turns to forever. Something turned to anything. Anything turned to nothing.

A Man was sleeping under the Lemon Tree. The World calls him Homeless. Most don’t care nor knows he exist, but God calls him Son and he is welcome in his House anytime because he is important and special.

I’m alive, but why do I feel mostly dead? Why every time a get to experience a moment of happiness, it is taken as quickly as it comes? Am I really that bad? I’m I really that deserving of this curse? Will I see and feel my God’s love again?

The Pandemic was suppose to draw People closer to God for help but instead, many have not returned to their place of Worship after the Lockdown was lifted. I am one of them.

From below, it was humbling. From below, God felt closer. Humility brings us nearer and easier to God. Wasn’t it in the Bible, “It’s harder for the Rich to enter his Kingdom in Heaven than a Camel through an eye of a needle?” Though that comparison when literally taken seems to say, “No one can enter his Kingdom at all. But by Faith, we can.”

I still pray. I still think of God everyday. I still ask for him to save me but this time, I don’t expect much. If he wants to mend my heart from all that it feels, he will. If he wants to renew all my lost precious connections and relationships, he will. If he wants me to have a happiness, love and peace that last a bit longer, he will. No expectations, only gratefulness and surrender for every blessing bestowed.

Besides, who am I really to be bratty, proudly entitled or impatiently demanding? God is God, and me, just a tiny Human speck of dust from his billions of Creations.

The Sky looked like an Army of Angels just waiting for God’s order to save God’s greatest creations from themselves.

I’m 50 now, and for reasons I don’t fully understand, I feel that I’m 50 thousand miles apart from God. I know he has a Kingdom somewhere up there, but I don’t see that anymore like I use to visualize it. There’s just this Wall Screen that constantly changes its images that stands before me and the eternal promises behind it.

When I am able figure out how to remove that Wall Screen, a new updated one instantaneously emerge. How many Wall Screens, don’t know but seems unlimited.

Not about the Destination but the Journey. But really, Destination in the end matters when it’s a choice between Heaven and Hell. So we make that Journey be deserving of where we need to be.

So back to ground zero and a lot of self reflections and soul searching. The question is the same, just rephrased differently. “Has my House of Faith turned to a Tourist Destination or do I want it to become a House of Prayers again to connect with my God for Friendship and Miracles?”

“Signs if we want to see them as signs are placed by God to remind us that we are not hopeless. We can change. We can be healed. We can find that lost Faith that long ago gave us so much life, so much joy, so much invincibility and freedom.”

So quiet. I hope to believe there was a reason we were drawn there.

In the old times God reveals himself through Nature like the Burning Bush at Mount Horeb, or speak directly through voices of thunder from the sky. He would even visit People in their Homes and talk to them in Person through chosen good Men and Women. He would join them for Dinner and stay overnight.

It was Personal. It was Supernaturally Phenomenal. Then Temples we’re made for God’s People to gather. We now call these Temples Churches that ranges in size and grandeur as simple as a bamboo Hut to extravagant Mansions and Palaces. Is God present in all of them all the time? Is God more accessible and guaranteed if one enters these structures?

A belief was made that we can only seek, connect and find God in this man-made places when truth is God is present everywhere. Where we are becomes our direct access to God through prayers. Where we are, when our hearts are true and sincere, becomes a place of worship and revelation. We, our bodies are the Churches of God.

Am I the Lemon? Or I am the Structure behind it? All depends on every Person’s visual perspective. Most See only what they want to see. Most believe only what they want to believe. But I hope they see the real me just waiting for them to reach out. We don’t have to begin every time. Perhaps we can meet halfway.

God is the most flexible, the most simple, the most patient, kind, forgiving and understanding. Humans just made everything fancy and complex that it’s easy to be lost in a that trappings we ourselves have created.

Times have changed. How we connect to God has changed. Whatever works. No more confine spaces. No more rules created by People to subdue and control other People.

If texting God, make us closer to him, then that is a way of prayer. If we like to speak to him silently or verbally directly, then that’s how we communicate in prayer. If we worship God through recorded Youtube worship videos and songs, then that’s a form of worship and prayer.

If action is our thing and doing good deeds and services through our work is how we worship and thank God, then that is how we pray, honor and build our relationship with God. No one size fits all box anymore.

God wants us to be free to make our choices in how we can best build the most meaningful relationship with him.

If we are open and ready, God will meet us where we are. All we have to do is ask and call his name in a way that is most comfortable and natural. Come as we are because we all will be welcomed as we are.

“If Blogging is our way of communication, worship, sharing God’s love and work in our lives, then it’s our form of prayer. If it draws People closer towards their Faith and inspires them to try again God, then we become the high speed internet Church of God accessible anywhere, anytime, however we are.”

Amen to all. Praise God always and forever.

About Island Traveler

Just a Man too curious where his dreams will take him.
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44 Responses to Do I Still Belong In Heaven?

  1. Amazing photos: gorgeous, vivid colors, artistic angles, lovely light, and exquisite architecture!

    Your reflections are eloquent and relatable. I empathize with your struggles. I am a seventy-two -year-old humanist, and my beliefs have evolved over my lifetime. Ethics and values are important to me. I think most religions are summed up in the Golden Rule. To me, spirituality is a connection to nature and living in harmony with conscience and the Golden Rule. I feel that if I have done all in my power, that is enough.

    I hope you find comfort and peace, whatever form that takes. ❤


    • Thanks Cheryl. Your words are inspiring and kind. I agree, Faith and Religion is how we live living the Golden rule, our relationship with Nature, our Ethics, our Values. Its also about giving and sharing love to others without expectations.


  2. Wind Kisses says:

    Beautifully written and fuel for thought. I think a lot of us feel the way your words were written . So thought provoking. Donna


  3. Pingback: Do I Still Belong In Heaven? – MobsterTiger

  4. judithhb says:

    Once again, I really thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and making me rethink some of mine.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. empyreansong says:

    Thanks for this post. Many times, I also feel a million miles away from Heaven. One thing that helps me is to remember that faith and feeling are two very different things. God is always close, whether we feel He is or not. As you said, we just have to call on him sincerely.
    Kudos to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Gods gate always open

    Liked by 3 people

  7. It’s funny how different the world looks when you’re younger versus older. Kids are in some ways fearless and faith seems to come easier. It can be much harder as an adult to still have hope, especially when there is so much evil in the world around us. Sometimes it just takes spending time with loved ones or being in nature to put things back into perspective. Other times it takes more than that. All we can do is have hope and faith, otherwise the alternative is just too depressing to think about sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Ab says:

    Thank you for this open, vulnerable and honest post. I know you’ve shared that you’ve experienced and are experiencing some personal challenge and I’m sorry to hear this has also impacted your personal faith.

    Faith is an interesting one. You are right that moments of personal crisis often should bring us closer to our faith but it can also do the opposite and make us more cynical in life.

    You always strike me an optimist and someone who always hopes and seeks out the positive. I’m glad you had this moment with this church during your day trip with your son. It is a sign and I’m glad you took it such too.

    Hang in there. I know and believe find a way back to what your heart is seeking. 🙏

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks Ab. You are so right, Every word, every thought, every truth. Being an optimist I think made me last this far, otherwise giving up would have been an easy decision. Also it’s not fair to our love ones to just give up. Their presence and my moments with them keeps me going. Stressful People that we interact everyday, Family estranged relations near and far, constant emotionally and mental trauma not allowed to heal in time can affect the most optimistic Person. Faith helps where Hope has not. 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  9. So wonderful photography and the lovely places amazing pride and inspiring 🌷🙏♥️👌🌷
    So awesome view of lemon trees with fruits and so beautifully written lines 👍🏻👏Happy weekend 🙏💕

    Liked by 2 people

  10. These are beautiful photos, so peaceful. So many struggle to understand all that is going on. Evil is invading our nation and our world. I hope and pray you feel God’s presence and his closeness. I know fewer people are going to church now, which is sad. That is where we connect with others and draw on their strength. May you feel God’s love and have faith in his plan. He has a plan 🙏🙏

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks Lisa. I know many have not returned to their community Churches starting 2020 global covid lockdown. The pandemic should have been a catalyst to be closer to God and bring his children together, but the opposite happened to many. Kind of it filtered the serious People of God from those been hanging by the thread in terms of Faith and Hope. Thinking of God however, having that yearning connect is a sign each of those who may not return physically to house of worships and still worshipping God in their own way.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. ogaraderrick says:

    Our bodies are the churches of God.
    I read somewhere that “whenever you feel disconnected from the spiritual you, just turn to the inside.” God’s spirit within you is always waiting.
    I haven’t gone to church in years but I still pray, listen to worship songs. I feel more alive knowing God is always here.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Keep seeking brother. Keep reaching. Because, like you said, God never closes his doors. He’s always up for a visit. At least you admit your vulnerability. It’s the prideful who never sit down for a meal with Jesus. If Christ were here in person today, i think he’d go for a hike with a family just like yours. You know that you still need him, brother. And so do I. That’s half the answer right there. 🙏❤️

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks David. I appreciate the encouragement. Wife just googled yesterday why I’m talking in my sleep lately and having nightmares, the truth scares me and it only takes the one true God for healing and for overcome my Demons and life challenges. Hope and prayers. Faith and perseverance. 🙏

      Liked by 2 people

      • May God strengthen you during this “medical double marathon,” brother. Thank you for doing what you do–every day–despite the toll it takes. 🙏❤️ prayers and love,


        • Thanks. I hope not to ever get COViD so I can do what I do best for a very long time. Covid is just 2 years and has already affected millions of lives. May everyone work together to end it because it is really winning , people just don’t want accept it.


  13. arlene says:

    When we have Faith in Him, we have everything.Thanks for featuring San Juan Capistrano church.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. In then end, it won’t matter. The only thing that matters that you find a purpose in life, use the gifts given to you and be the best human being you can be. Heaven will wait for you and for the ones like me, who just don’t know, it won’t make a difference. If you live your life right, there is no reason for fear -either way. Whatever God we pray to or believe in, will not judge us by the number of prayers or masses we attended, that I am certain of.
    You my friend, if I may still call you friend after confessing that I am agnostic myself, have nothing to fear than fear itself.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Sheila says:

    Reblogged this on Sheila Says … Sunday Snippets and commented:
    Good thoughts here. Our temples are ourselves first. Then gathering together in buildings. For me, gathering together in groups is political, so I keep my peace within. I miss the companionship, but I don’t miss the judgments and the other attitudes from people who think they have it all figured out and can’t understand why I don’t walk their way.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. elvira797mx says:

    Wow! So beautiful and amazing post and photos! Almost smell lemons, and the sky is awesome!
    Thanks for share.
    Have a wonderful time!

    Liked by 4 people

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