My work weekend turned out great and very productive. Everyone’s happy. I was happy. Perfect!
Then I thought of writing. Inspiration eluded me like I have Scabies. My mind, blank and lethargic like I took too many Sleep Aid. The heart smiling but the brain apathetic.
It’s when I’m battling my inner Storms when inspiration explodes.
It’s when I’m sad and in pain when I get to create something beautiful that brings People joy and sunshine.
It’s when I’m imperfect and scared that perfection and bravery comes to life.
Am I okay? Am I a Masochist? Am I crazy? Am I a Deviant?
Am I cursed? Am I abnormal? Am I a Weirdo? Am I a Freak? What’s a few more names? What’s a few more labels?
Can I be happy and make everyone happy at the same time? Can I be happy and still be overflowing with creative imagination?
Can I ride both sides of the extremes in peace and harmony at one given point of time? Or does it always have to be one or the other?
One moment, many revelations. One memory, many lessons. One story, many complications.
“Artists that allow their world to fully materialize on canvas, images or pages of a book are often living a World of loneliness and isolation. They are often misunderstood. Their work are either so life like or out of this World incredible because every thought and emotion are expressed in all their rawness, pain and honesty. Everything is laid bare for People to judge, marvel or be afraid.”
Unfortunate events and suffering fuels my fire. Loneliness and isolation lights up every corner of my being. Heartbreak gives me the motivation to genuinely laugh with freedom and abandon.
The old Cypress Tree looked alone but not really. When one observes closely, 4 almost invisible wires provide the support it needs to survive the harshest of weather and nature. So, we’re not really that alone if we made it this far. There are People in the background no matter few and seemingly invincible that helped us go through life and its shits.
Foolish heart. Foolish me. Steve Perry’s Love Song was playing in my car stereo. It’s lyrics I knew too well.
“Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You’ve been wrong before
Don’t be wrong anymore.”
First Fall, always terrifying. Succeeding Falls, less scarier than the previous. At some point, no more fear. At some point, we become Survival Pro. When Life happens, we take plunges, ready or not. It’s okay to scream on the way down, no one cares.
Sometimes, the heart can be stubborn and repeats the same wrongs. And that’s okay. Humility and Wisdom in repeated imperfections. Value and Appreciation for layered scars of hard work. Beauty in pain. Creative discovery in times of deep longing.