Too early for Joy? Not Really. Too soon for Bright and Merry? Not at all. Holiday Cheer? Anytime now please.
My mood swings were shifting badly from Mr. Lonely to Angry Brat. It’s suppose to be a weekend of fun and relaxation after 6 straight days of work, but Grumpy Grinch me took over and stole all my Joy and Calm.
I was worse than Scrooge in The Christmas Carol. I hated being cold and miserable. It wasn’t me at all. Was I possessed? Do I need Exorcism? Seems like it. “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” How many? Too many to count.
“If being sweet and kind equals I’m sorry, then it worked. But may be, it’s just because they love me that much, and that they truly just want me to be happy. I don’t know. I’m too scared to ask. So, I assume they do. I assume they understand.”
Monday, Wife needs to drop off 4 Holiday boxes for International Shipment. News was hope. There are several Coastal Hiking Trails close to it. Perhaps I’ll find my Joy and Calm again. Perhaps I’ll find me.
Driving to Daly City was nice. Freeway not busy. All was smooth except someone almost hit our car on my driver’s side. While I moved my car forward to back up safely, a blue car out of nowhere tried to park where I was about to park pretending we were not there at all. Sneaky, and wow!
Anyways, I pretended not to see the blue car too and was able to successfully parked my car. Strange why people like to park in clusters when the parking lot was so spacious. Competition thrill? To annoy? Well, it worked. I was annoyed.
Fort Funston, 6 years after wasn’t the same place I remember. It was better, so much better. I wasn’t the same, either. 6 years after, I was from good then to worse now. Wish I can tell you differently. Truth as always.
My first memory of Fort Funston was chilly, Foggy, misty, a contrast to today’s moment of beautiful warm Sun with clear Skies and bluest of blue Ocean. Everything looks Postcard perfect.
Happy People and happy Dogs everywhere. Their Happiness, contagious and rubbing on me. It’s true that when you surround yourself with more energetic, positive and happy People, we tend to mirror their emotions and mood. Like when someone smiles at us, don’t we smile back, even if it’s forced or crooked?
I turned on my Surfin’ USA Beach Boys Playlist as I proceed on my Coastal Hiking Trail.
Few minutes later, I was singing, dancing, rolling and waving my hands in the air. I was Euphoric. I was High on Happy. I got Music. I got Rhythm. I got Sunshine. I got me back.
I left the World behind me, and entered the World that I lost. I felt every cell in my body reactivated and powered up. Streams of peace and happiness just flowing in abundance. I felt alive again. I felt me again.
Alone but not Lonely. Isolated but in Cozy Solitude. Anti-Social but so comfortable and content being by myself. Is it crazy? Is it weird? Don’t know. Don’t care. It just felt so good.
Middle Age is a milestone of make it or break it, not just about Success in life but on Happiness, Relationships and Wellness. It can be a glorious age or can be very difficult and challenging. It’s mix and match of best and worst, more or less, Winners and Losers with lots of People in the middle just trying, struggling, surviving. It’s Gold, Dust and Sand.
Many have fallen and never found themselves again. The World don’t talk about them. We don’t talk about them. Their stories and dreams erased like they never existed, but they did exist. Once, they were real People that mattered.
If we close our eyes in absolute silence, we can hear their faint cries and echoes. They only wished to be remembered. Perhaps, given a second chance to do things differently. Those cries and echoes can be our own.
Been fighting anxiety, depression and anger for a few years now. Many don’t believe me when I tell them my story or what I’m going through. They think I’m not serious nor is it serious.
They see me as someone too happy or makes everyone happy that me being unhappy sounds unbelievable. Makes me relate all the more to People going through Mental Health feeling unheard, ignored, dismissed, alone.
Some days, it’s easier to give up and let the Demons take over. I am still there when it happens, just paralyzed, voiceless, unable to do anything. I don’t struggle because I know it does end and everything restarts looking all perfect and amazing like nothing happened.
Society, including Friends and Family are not ready to honestly deal with Mental Health. We advertised that we do, but rattled and turn our backs when someone opens up and ask our help.
We keep saying we understand Mental Health, but our actions are major disappointments, this includes Health Care Professionals who supposedly are knowledgeable and experienced.
Mental Health is still a Taboo and Mental Illness still considered an embarrassment and scandal by many. Symptoms of Mental illness can cripple if not kill. That is how real and serious Mental Health Problem is to someone experiencing its worsts without support and help.
I know, there are People like me out there struggling with their Demons too both self created and unleashed by other People. We need to keep going. We need to keep fighting. We need to keep living. We do have resources and caring Health Providers out there. We just need to find the one that works and understands.
Be Home from within this Christmas and the Holidays. Be our own gift of Joy and Calm. Light up bright to illuminate all darkness. Smile until we smile happy. Dance till we’re floating on Happiness.
Uphill climbing was harder. Took several stops to catch my breathe. I was so glad to reach the car. Relieved. Reborn.
Wife asked me as soon as I entered the car, “Happy?” My answer, “Very.” I then shared with her all my little hiking adventures like I just had my second cup of Nespresso. Yep, I can be very talkative when very excited.
“Mood is a series of emotions from extremes of nothingness to blessed comfort. Where we are most content and happiest, that is the goal, that is the dream state. It’s never constant. It changes like Climate and Weather. Seize the good ones, and deal quickly the bad ones. It’s a cycle. So, Hope is always there.”
Mood is a symptom. We don’t ignore it. We don’t ignore us.
We all have our Fort Funston. It’s our Happy Place. It’s where everything feels right, safe and free. It’s our Place of Escape and Reset so we can go back to the real World okay and ready.
It’s Thanksgiving. I just want to thank all of you for the generous encouragement and support. The Blogging Space has been one of my Fort Funston. It’s been everything I want and need it to be. Here, I get to be me whenever, wherever. Here, I get to find me. May it does the same for you. Never give up you. Stronger Together.
Grateful and Blessed. Thank You Everyone.🙏