Is It Wrong To Love Yourself?

“People around us our quick to judge of what they see but never bother to ask sincerely how we are doing, much more help to make things feel better. They will even talk about us like we can’t hear them. We exist but invincible to them.”

Until broken do we realize loving self truly is important.

I see People take Selfies a lot. Is it to please others or is it to please self. Capture a Moment or Vanity? Insecurity or Pressure to present self amazing just because everyone else is doing it? Social Media should make us feel good about ourselves, not worse.

“You’re selfish! You only care about yourself.” Sounds familiar?

“You’re ungrateful. You need to pay back what we invested on you.” Still doesn’t ring a bell?

“I don’t want to hear about your problems, but you need to listen to listen to ours?” Okay, this one may not be universally applicable.

Love is not a fairy tale. Perhaps in the beginning or once upon a time. Love is Battlefield. Some days we Win. Some days we Loose. In all, we fight for as long as we believe in the trueness and worth of that Love.

“You’re a Bad Person for choosing what makes you happy. It’s Us or You.” Not a Telenovela line. It’s real, heart wrenching, life draining on going constant drama.

There is a stressful, painful internal conflict between old world traditional love your Family and Others first versus modern day mindfulness love Yourself first.

Often, they don’t go well together. It’s one or the other. One will be happy, while the other sad, angry, even resentful. Some are lucky and gets to have both.

I was once part of the Chain. I don’t really have the right word to describe being apart from it.

Once, I chose happiness of Family over myself. Once, I chose loving them more and least of me. It was peace and rainbows, sunshine and all smiles. I was the best Son that doesn’t make mistakes. I was the Brother, siblings brag about and shower with praises. I was the Family and Friend everyone wants to have. Then one day, too lost, too confused, dying within, I tried to love what’s left of myself. Oh, my God, I became the Devil in the flesh. And I don’t have a 666 mark anywhere in my body.

The world is perfect for as long as we give the world what it wants. People will only be happy for as long as we make them happy. To love self will be our biggest unforgivable mistake in the eyes of other People.

Beautiful for as long as it pleases the eyes of the Beholder.

Be ready for War. Be ready for Disownment. Be read for the worst feelings no words can ever describe. Be ready for wrath and fury. Be ready for challenges like no other. Be ready for wild, infuriating rumors and gossips. These are just the top of the iceberg in choosing to Love Yourself which only affects us if we allow it it to bother and fester. There is the “Delete All” option. But warning, there many be no “Restore” feature. It’s not for everyone.

Then there’s the possibility of Freedom and Living again. Happiness, well that is totally subjective, and not guaranteed lifetime warranty.

So, is loving ourselves wrong?

Is Self Care and Self Love worth it?

I don’t know. The answer and choice scares the Hell out of me. Some days, I choose myself, other days, I’m choosing others still. Some days I’m ambivalent and confused. Some days, I’m just surviving.

In the end, it’s just Us, and that’s okay.

About Island Traveler

Just a Man too curious where his dreams will take him.
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54 Responses to Is It Wrong To Love Yourself?

  1. Katja Kubiak says:

    For me i think. You can only love others, if you have enough love for yourself first. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree. It’s just hard to choose self when all our lives we are indoctrinated to love others first like our hearts is overflowing with bounty and excess. Takes a life event or events to wake up and try choosing self for a change. Never an easy road though. Nor popular. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kalpana Iyer says:

    Self love is everything! I read somewhere that without setting boundaries, no person can thrive, because the world is naturally inclined to just “take” and give way less. You have to sometimes teach the people around you that you will not take disrespect of any kind.

    Like

    • Thank you. Everything you wrote is true and very important. Love is give and take , and not just take and take. May People truly remember and do what is right for all. It’s Christmas time after all…time to Give, share and be kind generously. 🙏

      Like

  3. jryb29 says:

    I think the pandemic has made many of us realise that it’s important to love ourselves. Sometimes we just need to take some time out for ourselves to maintain a harmonious balance. Have a lovely weekend ❣️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Very True. The sooner we realize the importance of self love and self care, the closer we are to achieving back balance and harmony. I think most people, take self for granted and set aside self for as long as they can until signs and symptoms disharmony body, mind, heart and soul gets bad. Thanks.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Pursuit of Great says:

    Very introspective and from the heart! I believe it really is true that we cannot truly love and care for others others unless we love ourselves first. They really do go hand in hand and neither work in isolation.
    Thank you for sharing!

    Like

    • Thank you. It’s like a constant “tug of war.” On one end are the People expecting us to care selflessly and on one end, ourselves trying to recapture self happiness, love, wholeness, peace. Some days we win, other days we loose. The odds shifts everyday, so it’s important to always just try.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Agreed. I think it all comes down to boundaries. Choosing yourself means that whatever you do for others, your still respecting your own boundaries

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Tarot of the Missing says:

    It is definitely important to love one’s self. There’s a big different between being a narcissist who feels they are all-important and merely accepting and appreciating who you are as a person. 💚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is good food for thought. I think it’s hard to love others if you don’t love yourself. That being said, too much self love isn’t a good thing either. It’s all about finding that right balance between taking care of yourself and others.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. lulu says:

    Much to think about in this post. To me self love is a precursor for loving others.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. mic says:

    👌👌👌📷✒🌹

    Liked by 2 people

  10. arlene says:

    No it is not. You can’t love others without loving yourself . You’ve got to share it though.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Beautiful photos! …I believe if we love God first, then we will love ourselves because he made us, and in that way we can share the love with others. I am happy with who I am (flaws and all), and hopefully I can love and accept others exactly how they are. ❤🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I believe that it is most important to love ourselves, but in a material way, like spoiling us with treats etc,. it the true love to ourselves to accept who we are, recognize our talents and what we are good at. Embracing ourselves in a truly loving way. Otherwise how can we love others if we don’t love ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Gift says:

    Great post ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  14. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

    I don’t believe we should have to choose between taking care of ourselves by loving ourselves and pleasing other people! If there are people in our lives who are demanding that we lay ourselves down for them to walk on, then setting some healthy boundaries (with consequences) is probably WAY overdue! I believe that healthy self-love gives us the strength to gently have these discussions with people without worrying that they will become so offended that they no longer wish to be around us or will criticize us. If they do any of those things, then more conversations are in order! people don’t have a right to guilt us into becoming doormats, and if they feel entitled to continue to do so after we have gently set our boundaries, then it is time to set the consequences into motion. Making these kinds of changes with some people is very exhausting because they try to guilt us or to browbeat us into staying the doormats we once were! Stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Every word you wrote is so true and so valuable. Thank you. I wish I have your bravery and wisdom but I’m learning. Communication and setting boundaries are indeed important keys to avoid further conflicts, pain, destruction in any relationships whether among Family, Friends, Co-Workers. Love without respect and understanding becomes Selfishness. Many times People take for granted the very People who cares for them the most until it’s too late. Again, thanks. 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      • https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

        Very true! I grew up with my mother who knows no boundaries and can be full of vinegar with people she deals with. I certainly didn’t learn about loving myself, setting boundaries, speaking gently or even kindly from her! These were all skills I needed to learn from other people! The learning curve is steep when we start from point zero!! My mental health needed me to learn all these things and it has been a lifelong journey! Blessings to you on your path!!

        Like

        • So sorry my Friend. The Hope is to slowly heal ourselves and in time find the right Mental and Emotional balance and Joy. It will take time. It’s hard to just erase the pain and bad memories. The scars will always be there, but perhaps with enough self love and happiness, we get to appreciate more and live our lives truly appreciating who we are.

          Liked by 1 person

          • https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

            I truly appreciate your compassionate words and for taking the time to support me! Thankfully I no longer feel raw nor do I live or even dwell in the memories! The peace which came through healing was the grace I learned to feel when I learned that only damaged people hurt others!

            This thought truly was life changing, helping me to release my pain and anger. When I realized that my mother was responding to life through her own unhealed Leno, I could release my resentment towards her!

            I now direct my gratitude into writing to be able to help others!

            Blessings!

            Like

  15. 11brett11 says:

    Wonderful but dreadful retrospection. Yes, one must have in self what he expects to give. So simple it’s seen as naive, but you cannot give, that which you don’t intimately understand. Self love teaches, balance, compassion, “macro” manage etc… Personally it is what I TRY to do, the only necessity is to seek, with only an expectation of attaining. The knowledge, discovery, and relative enlightenment gained from this is not able to be given an value. Everyone would not ever voluntarily observe themselves as intimately and without question they do reflexively with Children, S.O.,
    Hope that the Outstanding opportunity your question offers is intently sought, let me say again that you will get tangible, invaluable, spiritual results, insights that once realized are l I t e r a l l y live”saving”. Any replies are most welcome. Brett

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Brett. I appreciate the information and motivation. We can give only what we already have. We can only care when we have first taken cared of ourselves. I’m starting to see the logic and the beauty in the thought and process. It is harder for People to change when love is indoctrinated as self sacrifice not self care but, we will get there. Just one day at the time. Thank you. 🙏

      Like

  16. I think it’s necessary to love ourselves. You can’t be a care giver if you don’t take care of yourself. Same goes for love. How can we love others if we struggle with selflove?

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Wonderful post!! I have chosen myself for a while and I do get the wrath of others. I won’t ever feel bad about putting myself first. One point ab mentions above….learning to draw boundaries is key. I suck at it, but realize my relationships won’t improve until I learn that skill.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ab says:

    I am glad that you wrote about this. The pandemic if anything has exposed the need for self care and taking the time and space to invest in your needs, wishes and desires.

    This is a cliched saying but one I believe in very much: you can’t pour to others if your own cup is empty. I wholeheartedly believe in loving yourself and taking time for yourself. Setting boundaries that protect your alone time and that means saying no to others in order to have that time to yourself.

    It’s definitely not selfish and leads to better relationships in the long term.

    Good for you for sharing this message with everyone! 🙏👍💕

    Liked by 5 people

  19. sinharishika says:

    I think you are right as long as you are comfortable with it.

    Liked by 2 people

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