“People around us our quick to judge of what they see but never bother to ask sincerely how we are doing, much more help to make things feel better. They will even talk about us like we can’t hear them. We exist but invincible to them.”
Until broken do we realize loving self truly is important.
“You’re selfish! You only care about yourself.” Sounds familiar?
“You’re ungrateful. You need to pay back what we invested on you.” Still doesn’t ring a bell?
“I don’t want to hear about your problems, but you need to listen to listen to ours?” Okay, this one may not be universally applicable.
“You’re a Bad Person for choosing what makes you happy. It’s Us or You.” Not a Telenovela line. It’s real, heart wrenching, life draining on going constant drama.
There is a stressful, painful internal conflict between old world traditional love your Family and Others first versus modern day mindfulness love Yourself first.
Often, they don’t go well together. It’s one or the other. One will be happy, while the other sad, angry, even resentful. Some are lucky and gets to have both.
Once, I chose happiness of Family over myself. Once, I chose loving them more and least of me. It was peace and rainbows, sunshine and all smiles. I was the best Son that doesn’t make mistakes. I was the Brother, siblings brag about and shower with praises. I was the Family and Friend everyone wants to have. Then one day, too lost, too confused, dying within, I tried to love what’s left of myself. Oh, my God, I became the Devil in the flesh. And I don’t have a 666 mark anywhere in my body.
The world is perfect for as long as we give the world what it wants. People will only be happy for as long as we make them happy. To love self will be our biggest unforgivable mistake in the eyes of other People.
Be ready for War. Be ready for Disownment. Be read for the worst feelings no words can ever describe. Be ready for wrath and fury. Be ready for challenges like no other. Be ready for wild, infuriating rumors and gossips. These are just the top of the iceberg in choosing to Love Yourself which only affects us if we allow it it to bother and fester. There is the “Delete All” option. But warning, there many be no “Restore” feature. It’s not for everyone.
Then there’s the possibility of Freedom and Living again. Happiness, well that is totally subjective, and not guaranteed lifetime warranty.
So, is loving ourselves wrong?
Is Self Care and Self Love worth it?
I don’t know. The answer and choice scares the Hell out of me. Some days, I choose myself, other days, I’m choosing others still. Some days I’m ambivalent and confused. Some days, I’m just surviving.
In the end, it’s just Us, and that’s okay.