What I See, What I Feel

What I see people have no idea exist even if we are looking at the same visual frame.

We can not forever be that person that prevents others from colliding. We can not carry the weight of others all the time. We can not always put other people’s happiness and comfort first just because they want to. It’s tiring. It’s traumatic. It will take everything that is good and joyful within ourselves. It will break and crush us in ways unimaginable.

What I feel, no one can ever truly understand or will be brave enough to experience.

“I can’t believe them myself, but they are real. I don’t think my vivid imagination just made me see what I wanted to see. The pictures and videos are proof to myself that I was there.”

“We are a beautiful, important mystery worth the time and rediscovery. So, we take a day off for our Mental Health if we need it. We take a Sick Time Off, if our Heart needs to heal and mend its pieces. Mind and Heart controls our Physical Being. When both are sick and wounded, the Physical part suffers affecting all that is connected to it like work, activities of daily living and relationships. When mind and heart are in a Battle, isn’t it that the World around us transforms into a Battlefield and our anger turns people into enemies?”

Nature does speak and reveal itself to us in a very personal, intimate way. It’s passionate. It’s special. Always surprising and new.

Sometimes, when I walk or drive to work, I look at the trees and they reach out to me. They would dance and sing in joy for me.

The colors of their leaves changing in beautiful shades, hues and brilliance like blinking lights on a Christmas Tree.

I don’t have to fly to experience the clouds. They have surrounded me many times, literally.

Sometimes I look at the Sky, and it’s just gloriously blue, and the clouds, I can touch with my bare hands effortless.

“It’s okay to be Happy. Never feel guilty for it.”

Sometimes my heart feels too much that I don’t know how to contain it. The emotions so intense that it feels like it is going to explode.

Freedom is to be able to choose our own adventure and be lost in it in absolute joy and calmness.

Other times, I am in a very lonely dark place. Unable to find reasons why I am cursed to break, be in pain, isolated, ostracized, tormented with sadness.

Some days feels like hanging in a cliff and I need to be my own Hero to save myself from falling. Self reliance and Faith helped me rise up so many times.

Sometimes they call me sensitive. It’s an inappropriate mean judgement from those whose comfort and happiness I try to care more than my own.

“When people get used to us helping them all the time, when making their day better becomes a habit and their needs comes first than our own, whether among Family, Friends and Co-Workers, they assume it’s our responsibility. We become that bad person the moment we refuse. We are called Selfish when we try to take care of ourselves. Most will only think of their happiness first, and ours last. This tower of stones just exemplifies that. We have to first carry everyone else, but in time, sustainability by one for all becomes an impossibility. The tower will collapse and crush everyone when the rest above us don’t do their part in giving and sharing the load.”

Many only want to see what’s pleasing to their eyes. When it becomes ugly, they will abandon what was beautiful once and move to the next.

Sometimes I am silently drowning, and people continues to push and pull me down from both directions drowning me deeper.

We do what we do to breathe and get some relief.

Sometimes I’m so happy that every nerve endings in my body are electrified, awakened, wired perfectly and connected to everything within and around me.

These are my borrowed times where I am most alive. It’s fleeting. It’s a constant work in progress. No start. No finish. I don’t own them. I never did.

I know when I’m truly happy, because my World totally looks and feels strikingly different from my usual. It’s like seeing myself as a Third Person. Unusual, Weird, Strange, Crazy?

What I want, what I dream, what I value as important, some relate but many find it too in the present moment. Is it negative when I perceive every next year as uncertain and too far? Is it wrong to base how I live in the now? Is it selfish?

I can control what I allow others to see, the rest I keep within. I could be experiencing an internal storm but the superficial exterior still exudes calmness, confidence and positivity. It’s what is expected of me. I can’t afford to breakdown because the rest depends of me when they breakdown or needed support.

Is it wasteful to turn my “Soon Bucket Lists” into reality? Is it odd to have frequent Mental Health Day and Vacation Time for myself?

Is it that difficult to comprehend that more quality time with Family, and with myself matters more to me than work?

I am used to saving people but who will save me when I need saving? Will people drop everything the moment I need help, or will they just tell me again, “Don’t worry. You got this. You’ll be fine.”

Why do I have to enslave myself working so hard just because others did it? I’m not them. They’re not me. We are all unique, special and different. My priorities are different, everyone’s priorities are different.

There is always time for work and a time for relaxation and enjoyment.

Live our stories quick because if we wait too long, someone will live it for us. Believe me, many are in line eager to own and use it.

“The Sunsets will not wait for us. Time will continue and will not slow down just because we’re not ready. Time doesn’t bend for anyone. It doesn’t show mercy. Its unforgiving. Time is constantly moving. To catch up, it’s up to us to run faster.”

People should just know without words if they really knew us well.

We have choices. We have options. We have opportunities. Our lives can be better.

“When I pass through the Golden Gate Bridge, I am reminded to never give up on my dreams and that they are possible. I don’t need much convincing because many of my dreams though unbelievable has already happened. However, not all of my dreams ends happily. I need to be more careful of what I wish for.”

Balance is everything. Sustainability is a very thin line between being healthy and unhealthy, of being in a state of Life and Death while still living.

Our lives are meant to feel and be more.

If Nature made it through the worst with nothing, how much more for people who have something, if not everything.

What I see, what I feel is who I am. I’m not compromising anymore to please and be nice. I don’t have to suck up and kiss ass to a dysfunctional, messed up system to prove my worth. I know my worth. I know what I can give. I know what I can offer and contribute to make the lives of others better.

“People taught and forced me to be a Bitch. When we fight for ourselves, people will call us with so many names. Never take it personally, they are not worth the worry nor losing ourselves. We can’t change all, we can only change how we react and how we move passed them. The B word is neutral gender. Anyone can own it. Anyone can be it when needed. It’s Bitches versus Bullies in the Real World.”

I tried to rediscover and experiment what will make me happy again. I discovered my happiness comes in moments from minutes, hours, and the most, in days. Never all the time. Never lasting. When it fades, it motivates me to restore my Happiness Jar.

Things will change. I’m taking control of my life back. It will take a lot serious hard work and many will not like me for saying “No,” and for being an assertive advocate for myself. But I am not changing for them, I am changing for me.

“Love yourself again and try rediscovering what used to make you happy. We don’t have much time to waste waiting. Isn’t this the tragic lesson of the ongoing Global Pandemic?

Happiness is never forever, and so is Life. So, why not try our own Happy by the minute, hours and day by day for as long as we are blessed to enjoy the gift of Life.

So many poisons in life. So many poisons in one given day. We pick the least poisonous and toxic that has an antidote. Horror only if we become victims of others, victims of our own fears, anger and stress.

I declare today Global Mental and Emotional Health Anytime Month.

It’s for everyone. It’s unlimited. No rules. No Expiration Date. No catch. Use it whenever your Mind and Heart needs it. Everyone’s welcome.

Never enough happy moments and memories. We crave them because our mind, heart and soul are famish. We need to feed them once in a while or they will starve and die. My Places of Escape 2020-2021.

Blogger Friends, sorry for the delayed response and visits. I promise to catch up after my long self declared Self Care Holiday.

About Island Traveler

Just A Dad With A Dream.
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17 Responses to What I See, What I Feel

  1. dolphinwrite says:

    If everyone is waiting for someone else who cares…

    Like

  2. The most beautiful and painful part is discovering who really cares for us when we decide that we are taking care of ourselves first. But with time they fade like shooting stars and we get to be happy, knowing that the brightest stars of all surround us, the people who loves our best and broken selves. And that makes us whole. Thank you for sharing this post.

    Like

  3. I completely agree about how it’s important to find a better work-life balance. At the end of the day, you have to take care of yourself. We do have choices. And we should do what makes us happy. Enjoy your self care holiday. Linda

    Like

  4. Eileen O'Connor says:

    Beautiful words and photos!

    Like

  5. Mark Lee Schnitzer says:

    Thank you for your words of truth. Thank you for sharing your beautiful photography too…it is inspired and graceful!
    May peace be upon you
    Mark

    Like

  6. I love your words, so full of truth, and I love your photography. so full of beautiful and grace. You are truly one of my inspirations.
    Thank you and may peace be upon you.
    Mark

    Like

  7. jryb29 says:

    Beautiful and true words spoken. We should prioritise ourselves as well. “I don’t have to fly to experience the clouds. They have surrounded me many times, literally.” I love this line. Just sitting outside and gazing at the clouds for a while can be so therapeutic 🤍

    Like

  8. Kevin says:

    Happiness can be a tough nut to crack. Ever notice how some people are happy making other people’s lives miserable. While others are happy making lives better. It really seems to be perception.

    Like

    • Totally Kevin. It’s the same battlefield everyday at work. One can spot right away, who inspires all and who drains all. Unfortunately, it’s never a fair war, the good kind of suffers because the bad refuses to change or compromise. Oh, well, life is never fair but we can always choose to focus back on caring for ourselves and being our own heroes and advocate. Thanks.

      Like

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